When Thorns Become Blessings

I must admit that in the five years since my ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) diagnosis, I have been a bitter man trying to understand why this happened to me. After years of struggling through the daily challenges of a marriage, raising children, and constantly grabbing at my economic wants, I have ALS. Just when life was getting wonderful, I have ALS.

This disease usually strikes people between the ages of forty and sixty

Recently I have been trying to make sense of all this while accepting the fact that there is no solution. I was hoping that somewhere, someone had written some sort of guide book to go along with this unpredictable journey. Sometimes life will send things our way that seem almost unbearable, and with that usually is followed by discouragement. You need to understand that by contracting ALS you have been singled out and your final days are in front of you. Therefore, I turned to the Holy Bible to see if there is an explanation that speaks of terminal illness and that popular "Why Me" question.

In my religious quest, I have scanned, searched, asked numerous questions and there seems to be a positive answer and verse for everything. Some Christians give some pretty strange answers to the question of "why." Things like, "you didn’t have enough faith." Others like to add things like, "Claim the promises of God and He’ll heal you." Some people have even been bold enough to say, "you should have relied more on God." A select few still believe in the "laying on of hands" to remove any illness.

I remember a sermon given by a minister, many years ago, who was diagnosed with ALS. The once vibrant, outgoing Pastor, was placed in a nursing home, rapidly losing his muscle strength and swallowing abilities. Why him, and why was his service to God interrupted? One of his testimonials was that God gave the apostle Paul a "thorn in the flesh,", this weakness, this illness, and even though Paul prayed for relief, God allowed Paul to live with this weakness for the rest of his life. The discussion continues that the thorn may have been a symbol used to represent any illness. I think the strangest explanation comes from 2 Corinthians 12:7, that your illness or thorn was a gift from God. A gift that allowed Paul to experience God’s grace, presence, and power in ways he would have never experienced otherwise. The idea that we need to experience sickness to experience these things has never sat well with me.

ALS - is a progressive incurable neurodegenerative disease that has no cure

Now, let me be perfectly clear. I'm not going to doubt any one verse written in the Holy Bible. I'm already fearful of lightning strikes without laying out any doubts. As a young man attending Sunday School, I was brought up obeying and living by the 10 Commandments. Most Christian Bible scholars believe that to understand the Old Testament you must believe in the New Testament. I understand the reason and the parallels of the two, but the 10 Commandments, if followed religiously, could guide each of us in daily life. Why did it have to get so confusing? Heaven sounds like the ultimate answer, but I'm looking for real spirituality for the here and now, to touch and feel right here on earth. I'm not looking for a better place after I die, I'm looking for that better place to reside in me now. I have ALS.

Within the last decade the terms "spirituality" and "religion" have begun acquiring new and different meanings. The National Institute of Healthcare Research has defined spirituality as "the feelings, thoughts, experiences and behaviors that arise from a search for religiousness." Spirituality contains elements of any community and can arise from experiences with people around you and your relation with them. This explains support groups for every disease and alcoholic anonymous groups where everyday people reflect and express problems. The spiritual life tries to impose a sense of purpose on the unpredictableness and seemingly randomness of life. The meaning of life deals with life purpose, inner peace, and the place of the person in the universe. The spiritual life also overlaps the emotional, mental, physical and social aspects of living. Could it be the remedy for anger, fear, anxiety, and pessimism? In small ways, aside from rituals or communal memberships, we are able to find comfort in one's shortcomings.

Eventually patients are unable to walk, get out of bed, or use their arms

It took a warm Saturday morning, five adults and three children for me to see this. It was a day my wife and I allowed a group of volunteers to trim bushes that were out of control. It was hard for me to accept the fact that these people, on their day off were willing to work through the morning for us. One of the crew approached with his hand stretched way out revealing fresh scratches from a thorn bush. He wanted to thank me for allowing him the opportunity to invade our space and that he was the one gaining the largest reward from this project. Through this strange act of kindness I noticed that in ALS's weakness I had strength. Basically, I was the one receiving the service and they were the ones receiving the reward. It took this small event for me to understand that the sufferings that might come our way may have come so that we could see ourselves as we really are and be made spiritually stronger for it.

Yes, this was the beginning of my journey, the creation of my own form of spirituality.

I’m very anxious for my next experience and have learned that no matter how deeply burrowed thorns are, they are power perfected in weakness.

Most patients will die from respiratory failure within five years of diagnosis

I confess, I know more about ALS than I do Salvation. That minister I mentioned was my Father. Yes, a brave man who challenged ALS for 10 years, kept his faith and died with grace and dignity.

Leon Peek